My Angel Commentary

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. Actually, I'm sorta glad you joined me because it's time for another commentary. Oh, joy.

Tonight, we'll be looking at a Steven Universe fanfic called "My Angel" by Serena Summers. Hoo boy, will you be in for a shock when you actually start reading. Let's begin.

Welcome to my new before you read,know that this OC of mine is part angel,demon,and other species including is over 96,000,000 years old.

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, and hide yo' husband 'cause they raping everybody out here!
In all seriousness, though, you know this fanfic's off to a great start when the protagonist is a blatant Mary Sue. And by the way, the grammar is atrocious. Either this author slept through every English class she had ever been in or English isn't her first language. I'm hoping it's the latter, because I'd hate to know what her English teachers think of her.

Learn more about her here.

I don't see anything...

Lets Read!

There should really be an apostrophe sandwiched between the t and the s.

I open my eyes.

Watch out, everybody! We got a little Stephenie Meyer over here!

All I see is a white campus,not much worth looking at.

Then why bring it up?

Then there,in the distance,I see a door,a small,rectangular , I decided to enter.

A small rectangular what? "Rectangular" is not a noun, bubblehead!
And wow, you're really trying to imitate "Twilight" now, aren't you? Well, guess what? As indifferent as I am to that crap, "Twilight" is actually a lot better than this garbage since the protagonist Bella Swan isn't as overpowered as hell and is just a human girl. Mind you, she becomes a vampire later, but my point still stands.

That is where I see a sign that says "Welcome to Beach City".

And?
The only positive thing I can say here is that the author is consistent about having everything be in present-tense.

"Well dad,where are those gems?"

"They're between my knuckles. Would you like me to show you?"

My journey begins now.

And somewhere, Stephenie Meyer is crying because she didn't think to use this sentence anywhere in the "Twilight" saga.

Hi,this chapter was actually meant to be an introduction,so it's not meant to be long.

Well, that excuses the six lines of story content, except it doesn't.

this introduces my long living multiple species hybrid,Serena June Summers.

Oh, great, a self-insert.

can't wait to meet her?she's very nice.

Let me guess: she's also insane and will kill anybody who tries to take her beloved away, right?!

This fanfic is already horrible and it's the only chapter published so far! Dear God, I'd hate to see the next chapter of this disgusting pile of shit.