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How to Kill A Mary Sue Ch. 1

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How To Kill A Mary Sue

by voltaliathemajestic

It was just another day at Farboro. A brown, furry creature named Alfe, an oddball robot named Roba, and a brown-haired, mohawked human male named Horace were just lounging around in their headquarters because they hadn't been given any problems to solve lately. Roba was simultaneously impatient and paranoid, so much that the feeling gave him a sort of negative anxiety.

"What are we gonna do?" Roba complained. "We haven't done any problem solving in weeks!"

"Why don't we go somewhere, like out of town?" Horace suggested. "We'll kill time until there's another problem we can solve."

"Sounds awesome!" Alfe responded gleefully in his gravelly voice.

Just as the Problem Solverz were getting ready to leave, however, someone was knocking on the front door about two or three times.

They opened the door to see a woman wearing a light pink dress with rainbow flowers across her bosoms and she also had on gloves of the same color as the dress. Her hair was dark reddish-brown, set up easily into a nifty bun.

"Hello, boys," the visiting woman greeted. "I have a case for you to solve…"

"Finally!" Roba rudely interrupted.

"Roba!" scolded Horace. "Continue, uh…."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself, how unprofessional. I am Queen Voltalia of the Multidimensional Portals," the woman explained.

"You mean there are more than the ones we've visited?" Horace asked in disbelief.

"Oh, yes," Queen Voltalia answered him. "There are more of them, but not like your dimension. Some of them are mystical and fantastic, thus making them great dimensions to visit, if you do visit them."

"So what's the problem?" Roba asked the young queen.

"The lovers of some of the people in the dimensions are being threatened by a group of people called Sues," Voltalia explained. "These Sues are either critically injuring them or killing them."

"Whoa, they sound like they're crazy!" Alfe responded.

"They are, Alfe. I mean appearance and personality aside, they've got to be the most psychotic people you'll ever meet." Voltalia said.

"Cool! You know my name!" Alfe exclaimed.

"Yes. In fact, I know the names of everyone in this dimension just from watching it 24/7."

"I'm not sure if we should be solving this case or not. The last time we traveled to another dimension, we had a vandalizing maniac after us." Horace dubiously explained.

"I would've asked someone else, except there's no one available at the moment." said Queen Voltalia. "So it looks like you'll have to solve this problem."

"Well…" Horace thought about it for a minute.

"It's alright," the queen said. "Take your time."

Two days later, Queen Voltalia came back to their headquarters to see if Horace had finally decided whether or not to solve the case.

"Alright, Your Majesty," Horace finally said. "We'll solve this case."

"Wonderful!" the queen shouted in felicity. "The three of you, come with me."

The Problem Solverz followed the queen to a huge dark midnight blue-colored circular shape in the air. It flashed frequently, looking as though a great ectoplasmic and electric energy was its composition. It was bordered by what looked to be a mammoth-sized dream catcher, which had sturdy crude-looking wooden planks for steps.

"Men, I think it's time we go through this portal right now. Now this portal can lead you anywhere, but there's no telling where it'll transport you," Voltalia explained.

Roba gulped nervously.

"Are you sure we should go through it?" Horace asked uncertainly.

"It's the only way available," Voltalia answered. "So hurry and go through it now!"

"If you say so…" Horace said.

Horace ran as fast as he could, up the steps, to the portal, with Alfe and Roba behind him.

"Hold it!" Queen Voltalia shouted.

The Problem Solverz abruptly stopped and turned to face her.

"You'll be needing this," Queen Voltalia said, handing Horace a screen as wide as a shoebox and as big as a paperback book. "Contact me with it any time you're in danger, but I'll give you a warning: This is the only way you can communicate with me, so if anything were to happen to it, like you lost it, you're kayaking without a paddle."

"Oh, thank you," Horace said.

The Problem Solverz resumed running up the steps to the portal, but not as fast this time. They ran into the portal and found themselves travelling at about 99 miles per hour.

"Oh my gosh! This is so cool!" Alfe shouted whilst traveling.

A few hours later, they found themselves in a dimension, bustling full of anthropomorphic animals. Most of these animals looked like the animals they had back home, except they had odd fur colors and other traits not normally found in the animals back in their dimension.

"What is this dimension?" Roba asked curiously.

Suddenly, the screen switched on to reveal Queen Voltalia.

"Boys, the portal you went through took you to Mobius," she explained. "Now one of its inhabitants needs your help to get away from a Sue. I'll give you a hint: He's blue, his sidekick is a two-tailed fox, and he's the fastest thing alive."

"Where is he?" Horace asked her.

"That's for you to find out." Voltalia replied before the screen went dormant.

The Problem Solverz walked around to find the one the queen described to be the fastest thing alive. Suddenly, a blue blur zoomed by them, apparently running from something, when Alfe jumped on top of him.

"Augh!" the blue creature yelped out.

"Sorry." Alfe apologized.

Alfe got off and the creature revealed himself to be an anthro hedgehog with blue quills, green eyes, gloves, and red-and-white running shoes.

"It's alright," the blue hedgehog said. "Sonic's my name. Speed's my game."

"So let me get this straight: You're the one Queen Voltalia told us about?" Horace asked, puzzled.

"Yep," answered Sonic. "Who are you guys?"

"I'm Horace," Horace introduced himself. "This furry monster is Alfe and the robot with us is Roba. We're from another dimension."

"Another dimension, huh?" Sonic said.

"Sonic, where are you?" cried the voice of a little boy.

A young two-tailed fox with gloves and red-and-white shoes emerged, flying with his tails over to where he could clearly see Sonic.

"Oh, Sonic, I was beginning to feel worried about…." the fox started to say, but stopped.

The Problem Solverz stared at the little fox.

"Sonic, who are these guys?" he asked his friend, pointing to them.

"Oh, yeah, right," Sonic realized he had forgotten something. "Problem Solverz, this is my sidekick, Miles Prower, better known as Tails. Tails, the Problem Solverz. They're not from our dimension."

"Oh my gosh! Tails is so cute!" Alfe squealed, giving the petite young reynard a bear hug.

"Let go. You're suffocating me." Tails ordered lightly.

Alfe did just that.

"So- Problem Solverz, is it? - listen, I've got a problem. Some weird kitty is after me and she claims I'm her boyfriend." Sonic decided to explain. "I don't know about you, but I have a feeling she's a little too into her fantasy world. Either that or she's working undercover for Dr. Robotnik and was sent to find any weaknesses I have."

"Who's Dr. Robotnik?" Horace asked.

"Sonic-san!" they heard a high-pitched feminine voice beckon. "Where are you? I want to show you my new kawaii-desu hairdo!"

"Oh no, it's her," groaned Sonic.

A few seconds later, a molly cat came into sight. Her hair was virtually every color of the rainbow you could imagine and was put up into little baseball-sized buns right behind her ears. She had breasts that looked to be as large as boxing gloves. Her waist was ridiculously tiny, so tiny that it made you wonder how she could live at all. She wore a purple skintight turtleneck with no sleeves, a white skirt that was inconsistently proportioned from front to back, and red-and-black cleats with the words "Tony Hawk" across the back of the heels. Her fur was basically black with rainbow zebra stripes, even though she didn't look like a zebra in the slightest.

"Can we help you?" Horace asked the molly.

"Oh, stranger," the molly cat dramatically said. "I, Luisa Shakira Conchita Akemi Rose Aome Misty the Zebra Cat have lost my one and beloved Sonic the Hedgehog, who shall marry me and give me 10,000 babies! Have you seen him?"

"Oh, um…" Horace tried to come up with a lie.

"Psst…Tell her no." Sonic suggested as he quietly hid behind Alfe.

"No, not at all." Horace replied.

"You mean you haven't seen my super kawaii Sonic-san at all?" Luisa asked, sounding as though she was getting ready to wail.

"Nope," Horace said again.

"Oh, poo," Luisa replied sadly.

She walked off, her head hanging down and her tail dragging on the ground.

"Is she gone?" Sonic asked after coming out from behind Alfe.

"Yep." Horace answered.

"Good. Come on, I'll show you around." Sonic said, his energy spiking up to positivity.

Sonic sped down the forest while Tails and the Problem Solverz tried to follow him.
This is my first Problem Solverz fanfic and my first fanfic that pokes fun at Mary Sues. Here's the link to this story on FanFiction.net:

[link]

I'll post up more chapters soon. For now, enjoy! Constructive criticism needed.

Problem Solverz (c) Cartoon Network
Sonic the Hedgehog (c) Sega
Queen Voltalia, Luisa Shakira Conchita Akemi Rose Aome Misty the Zebra Cat (c) me
© 2011 - 2024 VoltaliatheMajestic
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Steve1345's avatar
[link] The chorus describes everything I think of this author.

Basically:

You're the best, around!

Nothing gonna ever keep you down!